The Lasting Effect of a Broken Heart

Hello again, my little cinnamon buns!

It's been awhile since I uploaded a blogpost, and I lot had happened in my life. From finishing college to getting a job, all I can say is my life had changed. For better or for worse, only time can tell. While One Direction's 'Little Things' plays in the background, I thought I would share with you guys something pretty personal about my life, a little revelation I got at 2 a.m. last night. So buckle up, sweethearts. It's story time!

I remember just a year ago I was sitting with a friend of mine in an empty classroom in college, both of us waiting for time to past so we can head over to our next class. Kudos to our amazing college for giving us a timetable that consist of awkward break time in between classes that are too short to go back home to rest, and too long for a simple lunch at the cafeteria. Anyways, we were just talking about anything that came to our minds, like the times we had in high school and the times we had in college. When all of a sudden I blurted out this question, "Have you ever been in a relationship?"

Now, a little backstory about myself. I was a wallflower in an all girls high school with some self esteem issue. My lack of participation in school activities and poor socializing skills led me to have no friends of the male gender for four years or so. Needless to say, I was as single as a freaking pringle. And being a hopeless romantic, getting a boyfriend was kind of like a dream to me.

However, my friend, whose dating life was just as uneventful as mine, gave me an answer that came as a shock to me. Her reply, as i can recall, was "I'm not looking for a relationship. I don't really want to find my first love just yet."

At this point of my life, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't desperate for a little romance in my life. Even if it's just a fling, I'll take my chances. From the TV shows we see to our peers among us, it kind of led me to think that at my age, I should have my first boyfriend by now or else there would be something seriously wrong about me. If it's not so, why am I not date-able? So it led me to ask her the question, "Why?".

"Well, I don't believe that there's such a thing as a first and last love. I know it happens, but it's like those one in a million occasion. Eventually, you'll need to breakup with your first boyfriend, and with every heartbreak, you loose yourself a bit. And I just want to be who I originally am right now." Or at least that's what I can remember. (Please don't judge me, it was a year ago, and I don't have an eidetic memory like Sheldon Cooper.)

Anyways, what I really remembered from that little encounter was the fact that she said with every heartbreak, you loose yourself a little. And it actually took me a year to finally understand what she meant. Fast forward to a few months back, I got into a so-called 'relationship' where we both acted like we're in a relationship but we don't label ourselves as one. I'm not going into details but it didn't end in a way I hope it would.

In a nutshell, even though it's not an actual relationship to begin with, the hurt after the split up sure does feels like one. And it dawns upon me, no matter what label you give to the thing you have with someone, be it a one-sided crush to a love affair greater than twilight, it still involved two person and those goddamned feelings. And when you decided to end things, the hurt you get from the aftermath kills a little part of you you never know existed.

I still couldn't believe an innocent teen who has never been in a relationship like my friend actually understood any of that, but there is a proof behind her wise words, for I have lost a bit of myself today. I'm still in the healing process, and even when things didn't work out for the two of us, I'm still glad it happened. At least I'll have something to reminisce about my teenage years... Before I turn to the big Two-O next year.

So that's all for today, I hope my little life experience might be of some help for you guys. On a completely different note, I'm currently working on a little novella of mine called "In For A Fling" on Wattpad which I would really appreciate it if you guys go and check it out. Ironically, it's about a girl and her best friend going to Australia to find a fling, only to realize a fling wasn't really what she wanted. Funny how I wrote that 3 years ago, yet I only relate to it now. I'll post more about the book in my next blogpost, in the meantime, go check it out by clicking the book cover or its caption! Bye bye for now~

In For A Fling book cover

xoxo

Get to know me more!

Twitter: @beaniesoo98

Wattpad: @mungbean98

happy birthday little mungbean

hello, my little cinnamon buns.

today's going to be a little different than my previous entries, mostly because i don't feel like my usual upbeat self. truth be told, i'm a sad little guava today, and it's all because it's my birthday.

here's a little side note before i start spilling out the reason why i decided to post a blogpost even when i'm suppose to be on my hiatus from the internet because of my a-levels, i'm always sad whenever it's my birthday. don't get me wrong, i do always seem like i look forward to that one day dedicated to commemorate the day i was born, but it was mostly done in hopes that maybe faking it would actually make it come true. despite my many efforts, by the end of the day, i always feel empty and just... sad.

it seems to me that whenever birthdays come, i have this ultimate pressure to see whether or not i've been a great person to my friends for the whole year and they'll appreciate me by wishing-slash-remembering-slash-giving me an unforgettable birthday, which is silly of me because it seems so superficial. the other thing about birthdays is that i'm a year older, one year less for me to fool around and still not know what to do with my future. and since it's my last year as a teen this year, it makes me even more stressed out because i'd be entering the young adult phase next year, and it's scary! not to mention the mid-terms or finals that are always around because my birthday is on May.

before you guys start calling me an ungrateful human being because there are still good friends of mine that remember this day, and family member who'd never fail to let me feel special on this very day, here me out. i am eternally grateful for these people in my life because without them, i might just fall deeper into depression. but this actually made my feelings worse because when i know i should be grateful and happy, i'm feeling empty and sad, and i'm guilty about it. now i have an extra feeling which i don't want to... feel.

anyways, back to the point. the reason why i'm writing this blog today is because i wanted to share the 19 things i've regretted throughout my life. (hint hint, i am 19 this year) in a way, this is my special little way of letting go of these things that is weighing me down in hopes that i'll wake up with a smile tomorrow. so without further a due, here's the 19 'how it could've been's in my life.

1. how it could've been you graduating from an international school instead of being stuck in your old high school for 5 years.

2. how it could've been you getting a better education with the results you obtain if only you knew how to apply those scholarships.

3. how it could've been you leaving the country and have the whole 'start life anew' scenario if only you'd be more daring,

4. how it could've been you whom teachers remember and are friends with instead of being the quiet little mouse who'd rather not be involve in things because you're scared of failure.

5. how it could've been you whom held a more important position in your association instead of being a nobody in that board for about five years.

6.how it could've been you that people would look up if only you'd had more accomplishment.

7.how it could've been you hanging around with your friends and have a closer bond if only you hadn't cut people out because of your fear of rejection.

8.how it could've been you enjoying your last teen years with your peers instead of stressing about a course that you regret taking,

9.how it could've been you having a wider social circle instead of having those handful of friends because of your social anxiety.

10.how it could've been you being an ambassador of some kind if only you don't have that low self esteem of yours.

11.how it could've been you being an entrepreneur in something you like if only you'd have more courage.

12.how it could've been you finishing your course in college without any stress instead of constantly procrastinating because you're afraid of your responsibilities.

13.how it could've been you performing in the philharmonic if only you had put more effort in your piano.

14.how it could've been you who'd be truly happy more often instead of faking it if only you know how to express it.

15.how it could've been you who have the recognition of your talents if only you had the courage to show it.

16.how it could've been you who'd the first person people would think of inviting if only you'd sound out your longing of participation.

17.how it could've been you who do not have the fear of missing out instead of finding out those little gathering on social media.

18.how it could've been you feeling more relieved if only you hadn't invest most of your time and energy in a relationship that is obviously one-way. 

19.how it could've been you not feeling hurt whenever you see him with another girl.

A Peanuts Present

Greetings, my fellow Nutt-crackers!

Here's the second blogpost that I'm transferring from my second blog. I know, two blogs in a row... Don't get used to it though, I'm not going to be posting that often thanks too the hectic life of an A Levels student. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!

Hello guys! What is up? Well, that sounds funnier in my head. Anyways, I was suppose to do another monthly favorites blog, but seeing that the only two blogs I have here are 'December and January Favorites', I thought: Maybe it's time to write something different for a change.

Before I start my blog, I'd like do ask, who doesn't like presents? I'm sure no one doesn't like presents. But when you're in a tight budget, and you and your friends (A couple of 16 year-olds, for my case) decided to exchange low-budget gifts, what comes into mind? A card? Too mainstream. A cake? Too expensive. A teddy bear? Too childish... So, when all things seems down, it's kind of in my nature to think of something silly but creative. So without further a due, let me introduce you to a very pleasant Peanut's Gift!

The Wishing Bottle

The Wishing Bottle

The Wishing Bottle is a glass bottle containing many many hand-written wishes you make for the person your giving. Although the materials needed are cheap, but the time needed to make it is indeed long. So make sure the person you're giving it to is someone really dear to you and not someone you wish to throw a stone at.

What you may need:

The Materials

                         ♠ Glass bottle                                            ♠ Pens, pencils, a ruler & a pair of scissors

♠ Some tape                                             ♠ Nice stickers

♠ Lucky stars                                            ♠ Nice ribbons

♠ Decorative papers/Color paper                                          

Step no.1

Draw some lines on the decorative paper/color paper using the ruler and some pencils, the measurements may vary according to ones liking. But for me, I'd prefer using half of the ruler because it's easier.

Step no. 2

Once you've completed, get ready to get snappy! Use the scissors you've prepared and cute them all out. You can also cut the strips into half if you think it's too long or just want to save some paper for the sake of Mother Nature.

Step no. 3

After cutting them all out, start writing your wishes! You can get a little creative with this part like, 'I wish I've got more hair than you in 20 years.'. Just remember to have fun whilst doing this step.

Step no. 4

Done writing all your funny/truthful/amazing/sincere wishes? Let's move on to the other step.Roll up all your wishes and stick them up using the cut out tapes as shown as below. Remember to fold down some of the tape so your friends can still open and tape them back once they've seen the wishes. Also, the number of wishes mostly depends on the size of your glass bottle, the bigger the bottle, the more the number of wishes. So for my case, I did 100 wishes per Wishing Bottle.

Note: Remember to fold it in a bit

Step no. 5

Write your friends name

Once you've done your wishes, it's time to decorate the bottle. Now, this is my favorite part. First, you can decorate the bottle by writing your friend's name on the cap, but remember to use your most beautiful handwriting or else it'll turn up like mine which ruined the whole thing.

More decorations

Next stop, is the body. Use the stickers you've prepared and paste them on your glass bottle. Once that is done, take the ribbons and tie a knot over the neck of the bottle. As for the bottom part, I used some really amazing tapes I found in a local bookstore. You can put more stickers if you can't find those tapes. By the way, remember not to over do the whole decorating-thing because it may be too bling-bling seeing that the papers you rolled up are colorful too.

The decorative tapes I used

And that is how you make yourself a cheap but really meaningful present! You can even make it with your kids because it is that simple, just be careful whilst handling the scissors. You can also take a look at the how the presents got wrapped before I handed it over to my friends. Hope you enjoy this rather different blog post, and I'll see you guys next time. Bye!

Using newspaper as wrapping paper just because I ran out of wrapping paper

xoxo

Get to know me more!

Twitter: @beaniesoo98

Wattpad: @mungbean98