Forever Confused - Finding The Real You

Hey peeps,

I've been facing some problems recently. You know, those stereotypical problems every teen is facing because they've been on Tumblr for too long. Well yeah, those problems. At first I thought I had buried it pretty well and if it was deep inside my head for a long while, it would eventually disappear. Unfortunately, problems isn't solve that way.

Lately I've come in terms of my life, meaning that I've accepted what I'm suppose to be and where I stand in the so called 'status quo' of life. I'm totally okay with the fact that I'm suppose to ace in my studies and apply a job that everyone expects me to apply in the future. But after hearing today's sermon in church and watching several episodes of JacksGap, I'm starting to doubt my acceptance.

You see, from today's sermon, my pastor preached about instinct. After hearing it, I realize that I have completely no idea what my instinct is. For example, music come as a second nature to some people, others may be absolutely comfortable to socialize, while give some people a pen and they could write a whole freaking trilogy on the spot. That's instinct. But for my case, I don't know what IS my instinct. What am I most comfortable doing? What comes as my second nature? These were among the questions that were in my head after hearing the sermon. And this is my conclusion : I've been drowned in everybody's expectations and responsibilities that I've slowly and gradually, lost something inside of me that had once managed to drive me to do something I want to do. I had lost my fiery passion towards life. I'm just drifting through life instead of living it to the max.

As for the JacksGap videos on YouTube, they made me realize that the concept of passion had always been wrong in my life. A lot of people may hope to achieve tons of money due to their interest, but when that happens, think for a moment. Are you doing what you love prior to the fact that you love doing it or because of the money,fame and success? It saddens me when I realize most people would do something they love because they were aiming for something else, including me. For example, at first I thought my passion was music, I thought I enjoyed playing the piano, but recently I realize the reason why I practice my piano is actually for my ABRSM exam. So basically I'm playing the piano because I enjoy receiving certificate of passing my ABRSM exam instead of solely enjoy doing it. So here's the thought for today : Is there no way for humans to pursue their passion without aiming for something else? 

This was actually the video that really made me start thinking.
Words of Wisdom : Casey Neistat by JacksGap

So there's that, the reason why I'm feeling mildly depressed and confused these few days. Also the reason that made me worry about my future more than I could ever think possible and thinking WAY too much. (P/s, I'm not over-exaggerating) I really hope I could find some answers to my confusion soon before I get drown in my own question marks... Let's just hope for the best.

Anyways, I'm just going to go now because there's school tomorrow and I haven't pack my bag. (Gosh, don't you just hate Mondays?) While I'm doing that, I think I'll listen to 1973 by James Blunt on Spotify... By the way, just something totally random, do you guys remember The Suite Life of Zack and Cody? (For those who are not 90's babies, it was a Disney sitcom) Gosh, I've been having a marathon lately and can I just say... AREN'T THE SPROUSE TWINS THE CUTEST TWINS EVER?! It even gets better : They grew into a pair of FINE looking lads now. *drooling face* Bye peeps and Happy Blogging!

xoxo

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Twitter: @beaniesoo98

Wattpad: @mungbean98

Death Nutt

Hello Internet, (had been watching a Danisnotonfire marathon recently)

Since I'm currently having a facial mask on my face, I thought why don't I post a blog while waiting for it to dry and practically make my face feel as though it's shrinking like a raisin. (Oh, the things girls do for beauty.) Anyways, for the past few days I've been really obsessed with this anime, Death Note. And for those who hates anime, spare with me now. I, too, once hated anime and thought of them as a cartoon for children (and as you can clearly see, I've been so wrong), but through one of my favorite Youtuber, AmazingPhil, I decided to give Death Note a try. Which turns out to be one of the best decision I've ever made in my life.

If any of you never heard of Death Note before (Are you living under a rock?), this is how the story goes: Light Yagami got a book where you can write names on it and the person will die. A famous investigator, L, comes along wanting to solve the mystery on who exactly is behind this mass murder of criminals... In a twist of events, everyone dies. The end.

But of course the story is not like that. You have to watch it to really understand my feeling towards it. So for this blog, I thought I would share a bit of my thoughts on my first series anime. **MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS** 

The main characters in Death Note

Light Yagami, Kira

The main character of Death Note is Light Yagami. Honestly, I don't disapprove of his way on killing convicts and criminals. This is in fact justice. Besides, the people he killed has lawfully sinned, so it wasn't him who did all of the judging. I believe some of the convicts are judged by the courts and stuff. However, it was Light's characteristics that made me dislike him. The way he uses woman to reach his goals and how in the end became obsessed with preventing L from finding out he's true identity of being the 'God of the New World'. He's a smart guy, but it was his self pride that had lead him to his downfall.

L Lawliet

As you watch the anime, you can't help but start to fall in love with the intelligent investigator, L. Unlike Light, I like L because of his characteristic. Quirky, cute, smart and his love for sweets. What I think leads to his downfall was in fact Rem's appearance. To him, it was totally uncalled for. To be honest, who would've thought that Rem would risk her own life to save Misa (I mean, seriously... A girl like Misa??) When L died, I can't help but feel sad that a great investigator like L had to die. But at least he died a great investigator by feeling that his time was almost up.

Spoilers everywhere

P.S : Is it just me or did the ending became kinda blurry and a tad bit different from when the anime first started after L's death?

After L's death, here come along Mello and Near, two worthy of being L's successors. Although Mello's death was also necessary in order to capture Kira once and for all, it was still kinda depressing to see Mello sacrifice himself. As for Near, I remember reading a comment about how it is not fair that Near get to solve the case within a short period of time while L took a lot more time and yet not being able to solve the case. After watching the anime, I realize it wasn't like that. It was both Mello's and Near's hard work that brought Kira into justice.

L's death.

All in all, it was a really great anime. Makes you question on whether you're an evil person or a good person,and what ways you use to achieve what you said. Either way, there'll always be a monster inside of us. It's the fact that whether or not do we want it to grow and eventually take control over us. I believe that no matter how good we are, we are still not in the place for judging other people's act or doing. Only God Almighty could do that because, after all, He is the one who created us.

Happy times~

What do you guys think? I think I would be glad to have a Death Note marathon right after my test, after all, it IS a really good anime. I'd give it six deaths out of five. :) 

So that's that. I'm actually thinking of writing the way I hope Death Note would end, hope it would take me another, what? 2 months... ;D Bye Internet & Happy Blogging!

xoxo

Get to know me more!

Twitter: @beaniesoo98

Wattpad: @mungbean98